


when we all fall asleep, where do we go?

by blackrose1002, BlackVultures



Series: MacDalton and Ailments [4]
Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Established Relationship, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleep Paralysis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:00:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23386261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrose1002/pseuds/blackrose1002, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVultures/pseuds/BlackVultures
Summary: While the sleep paralysis thing sucked big time, Jack figured there was no need to tell anyone on the team about it, especially Mac. The last thing Jack wanted was for Mac to feel unsafe around him during missions because of Jack’s... unpredictable condition. And it was going fine for a while... until a few months ago when things between him and Mac changed.(AKA the one where Jack has sleep paralysis and Mac is a good boyfriend.)
Relationships: Jack Dalton/Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Series: MacDalton and Ailments [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1521650
Comments: 17
Kudos: 113





	when we all fall asleep, where do we go?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Here's a little oneshot [blackrose1002](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrose1002/pseuds/blackrose1002) and I wrote a while back! This one is actually inspired by real-life events since I suffer from sleep paralysis on a regular basis. As we mention in the fic, doctors don't know what causes it and there is no treatment or cure. It's a horrible thing to experience and I wouldn't wish it on anyone... well, except Jack. ;) Any mistakes are my own because I put this one together, and as always, please let us know what you think! Enjoy!
> 
> (Title is from "bury a friend" by Billie Eilish.)

The first time Jack experienced sleep paralysis, he thought he was dying. One minute he felt himself drifting off to sleep, and the next he was wide awake but completely unable to move, save for his eyes and the ability to pull in shallow breaths. As hard as he tried picturing himself thrashing around, he couldn’t move an inch, not even to open his eyes and look around. Instead they flickered restlessly behind their lids until, several minutes later, the spell broke and Jack practically threw himself off his mattress in panic.

It was his first night back in his apartment after hunting down Kovacs for the second time, and he shook so badly his teeth were chattering. His first instinct was to call Mac and describe what happened... but he wasn’t sure he had that privilege anymore, not after being gone for almost two years. Instead he crawled back in bed and didn’t sleep a wink, and once the sun was up he called his doctor and made an appointment for the same day.

Turned out what he’d been through was something called sleep paralysis, and though it had been a known condition for centuries, doctors couldn’t make heads or tails of what caused it or how to treat it. Stress, poor diet, and bad sleep habits were all habits, all boxes Jack ticked. The doc gave him her best reassuring look and said it would probably clear up on its own, and Jack refused her offer of sleeping meds. He had to be able to spring out of bed at a moment’s notice, and drugs wouldn’t allow that.

While the sleep paralysis thing sucked big time, Jack figured there was no need to tell anyone on the team about it, especially Mac. The last thing Jack wanted was for Mac to feel unsafe around him during missions because of Jack’s... unpredictable condition. And it was going fine for a while... until a few months ago when things between him and Mac changed. Jack still remembered how it felt when Mac kissed him for the first time, and while he was overjoyed with the change in their relationship, it made hiding the sleep paralysis from Mac twice as hard.

The moment they fell into bed for the first time, Jack knew that he could _not_ let himself fall asleep next to Mac. After they were done Jack was sated from the mind blowing sex and he wanted nothing more than to just wrap Mac up in his arms and go to sleep... but he knew he couldn’t. He also didn’t want to wait until Mac fell asleep and then leave because that seemed... particularly not cool. Once they caught their breath, Jack rolled to the side of the mattress and sits up so he can start looking for his pants.

“That was, uh, that was somethin’,” he said, faux-casual, cringing as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

“So eloquent,” Mac teased and Jack heard a smile in his voice. “You’re usually better with words, did I do that?” His voice turned smug and Jack just chuckled, shaking his head and ignoring the way his heart kept telling him to stop being an idiot and get back in bed. He spotted his underwear on the floor by his feet and bent down to pick it up... but then the mattress shifted and suddenly there were arms around his middle and a warm body pressed against his back. “Hey,” Mac muttered, kissing Jack’s shoulder, unknowingly making what he had to do so much harder. “Where are you going?”

“Gotta get back home if I’m gonna get any sleep—work in the morning, remember?” Jack heard the words falling from his lips but that was it, they didn’t have any meaning. He turned his head, eyes still closed, and gave Mac a quick peck on the lips before he broke his embrace and stood up, dressing quickly. He felt Mac’s eyes watching him but avoided his gaze, grabbed his gun from where he left it on the nightstand, and headed for the door with tears blurring his eyes. “Goodnight, Mac.”

~***~

The first time it happened, Mac chalked it up to nerves on Jack’s part, or maybe second thoughts—but after three or four times it was clear the sex wasn’t the issue... it was staying with Mac afterwards. The fifth time Jack came over with pizza and beers as a thinly veiled excuse for them to sleep together, Mac was waiting for him, fully clothed and with his arms crossed over his chest.

When Jack leaned in to kiss his cheek, Mac pulled his head back out of range and asked bluntly, “Why don’t you stay with me after sex?” Jack tensed but then obviously forced himself to relax. His reaction was subtle, but Mac knew him so he noticed it easily, and it was more proof that something was wrong… most likely wrong with _Mac_ , because Mac couldn’t see any other reason why Jack would bolt right after sex. “Well?” Mac asked after Jack didn’t say anything. “I asked you a question.”

Jack put the pizza and beer down on the kitchen counter before he turned around to lean against it, bringing up a hand to rub his face. “I heard you,” he said quietly, and he sounded... sad. “I’m just trying to figure out how to answer. There’s... there’s something wrong with me, Mac, and I don’t know how to explain it to you.”

“Well, try me.” Something in Mac’s chest tightened when he saw how sad Jack was, but he pushed it away for now. “Is it not being able to stand being around me after we fuck? Is that it?” Mac asked bitterly, too angry to care about how his voice broke a little. “What I can’t figure out is _why_. Am I that bad in bed that you need space afterwards? Or are you just screwing around and trying not to get attached?” Mac felt his eyes fill with tears, but again, he didn’t care.

Between one blink and the next Jack’s hands framed Mac’s face, one of his thumbs wiping away tears Mac didn’t even know had rolled down his cheek. “Mac, baby, no, you’ve got it all wrong... and that’s my fault,” Jack said, and his voice was shaking—along with his hands, Mac realized after a second, and that was scary because Jack’s hands never shook. “I love you, Mac—I love you so much it hurts,” he whispered, looking into Mac’s eyes for a minute before his gaze dropped to the space between their feet. “This isn’t just sex for me, it never was, and you’re incredible, darlin’—in bed, and the rest of the time we’re together too. I just...” He blew out a harsh breath. “Do you know what sleep paralysis is?”

Mac took in a shuddering breath, processing everything Jack said, his heart slowing down a little now that it seemed like his worst nightmare wasn’t actually happening. And then Jack’s quiet question registered in his brain and Mac frowned. “Sleep paralysis?” Mac repeated, forcing his brain to work after his mini breakdown. “Yeah, I’ve... read about it before. Why?”

“I have it,” Jack said, so quiet Mac thinks he must’ve misheard him. He cleared his throat and spoke a little louder. “Sleep paralysis, I mean. I get it sometimes, it’s impossible to predict when it’s gonna happen and I... that’s why I didn’t want to stay over. In case it happened while I was with you.” His hands dropped from Mac’s face to rest on his shoulders, and he wouldn’t meet Mac’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Mac. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I’m sorry I made you think... that it was your fault, when I was just bein’ an idiot.”

Mac thought for a moment, trying to understand what exactly was going on... and he came up empty. “I’m... I don’t get it, Jack,” he said, reaching with his hands to frame Jack’s face and gently tilt his head to make him look at him. “Why? Why were you hiding it from me?” His voice was soft and gentle, the complete opposite of what it sounded like minutes ago. “And for how long?”

“It started after I came back from the Kovacs mission,” Jack said, and his hands tentatively slid down to hold Mac’s waist, like he wasn’t sure he was still allowed to. “The first night I was back, I was drifting off to sleep and suddenly I couldn’t move—it was terrifying. So a few months, I guess? It doesn’t happen all the time, but I didn’t want you to find out and think I wouldn’t be able to watch your back—either because I was too tired or that I’d freeze up in the middle of the night. Then when this new thing started between us, I kind of... panicked, I guess.”

“ _Jack_.” Mac sighed, all the anger gone from his body, replaced by affection mixed with worry. “That’s exactly why you should have told me—what if it happened during a mission? And I’m not talking about my safety, I’m talking about _yours_. I need to know about stuff like that so that I can watch _your_ back while you’re incapable of doing it yourself.” Mac smiled softly, but his heart clenched when Jack still looked at him with dark, unsure eyes. “And work aside... you shouldn’t go through this alone. No matter what is happening to you, I want to help. Even if that just means being next to you so you know you’re not alone.”

Jack stared at him for a moment, tears welling in his eyes before he leaned in to kiss Mac’s cheek like he was going to earlier. This time Mac let him, and wrapped his arms around Jack’s neck when Jack hugged him tightly.

“I love you,” Mac whispered, because he didn’t say it back earlier, he was too aggravated. It was the first time they’d exchanged those words and he sighed contentedly when Jack buried his face in Mac’s neck and whispered them back. “Now, how about we have some pizza? And later... later you’re staying with me, okay?”

Jack exhaled shakily against his neck before nodding. “Yeah, okay,” he said quietly, pulling away after a moment to look at Mac and give him a weak smile.

Smiling back, Mac slid his hands to Jack’s arms to rub them comfortingly before he tugged Jack back to the kitchen. They grabbed the pizza box and the beers and headed for the deck where Mac started a fire and then they ate. Slowly, everything between them went back to normal and they were just hanging out, chatting as always. Jack was a bit more... subdued than usual, but Mac figured it wasn’t that surprising. Once they were on their last sips of beer and the pizza was all gone, Mac closed the little gap between them on the bench by the fire and nudged his way under Jack’s arm. He settled his head on Jack’s shoulder and looked up at him, that face he loved so much covered in firelight shadows.

“You know it doesn’t change anything, right? The sleep paralysis?” Mac asked, because he needed Jack to understand that. “You could turn purple or tell me you’re a vampire and I’d still be crazy about you.”

Jack sighed and hesitantly tightened his arm around Mac as if he still wasn’t sure how to act around him. “I wouldn’t blame you if you were freaked out by this,” he admitted, staring at the dancing flames. “I sure was.”

“I’m sure you were,” Mac agreed, and they were quiet for a moment... until Mac shifted close enough to press his lips against Jack’s rabbiting pulse. “You need to calm down,” he whispered, mouth climbing to Jack’s jaw, then his cheek.

Jack turned his head to look at him, their eyes meeting, and then Mac leaned in and pressed their lips together. Jack was still tense and Mac slid his hands up his chest until he could wrap his arms around his neck and pull him closer. Jack’s arms circled his waist, his touch light, and he kissed Mac back gently, as if he was afraid this was just a dream. After a moment Mac licked Jack’s bottom lip and slipped his tongue into his mouth, Jack breathing in harshly through his nose. His grip on Mac tightened marginally as their tongues slid together, and Mac took that as a green light. He threw a leg over both of Jack’s and clambered into his lap, not breaking the kiss. Jack’s hands fit perfectly into the dip of Mac’s back, and eventually Mac did pull back, only to attach his lips to Jack’s jaw.

Mac nipped on Jack’s jaw before moving lower and mouthing at his neck, biting down lightly and sucking a bruise into Jack’s skin. Jack gasped when Mac’s teeth sunk into his neck and he tilted his head to give Mac more space. One of his hands stroked Mac’s back and the other slid down to grope Mac’s ass, making him groan against Jack’s neck and causing his hips to twitch a little. Mac’s hands came up to hold Jack’s face and he kissed him again, deep and slow and full of promise. They’d only been making out for a moment or two but Mac was already half hard in his jeans, and another little grind down in Jack’s lap told him he was in the same boat.

“You wanna head to my room?” Mac asked against his mouth, leaning back enough to blink at Jack. “Because I’d really, _really_ like you to fuck me.”

“God, Mac,” Jack groaned, pressing his lips to Mac’s cheek and lingering for a moment. “Yeah, yeah... let’s go.”

Mac grinned, sliding off his lap and standing up, grabbing Jack’s hand to pull him up to his feet as well. Not letting go of Jack’s hand, Mac tugged him back inside and then wrapped his arms around Jack’s neck, pulling him in another kiss, walking backward in the direction of his bedroom. They both knew the way to Mac’s bed while distracted at that point, so it didn’t take much to get to the mattress. Mac fell on the bed and used his grip on Jack to pull him down on top of him. He loved the feeling of Jack’s weight on top of him—it made him feel safe in a way he couldn’t describe, having this dangerous man pinning him down for the best possible reason. Mac’s hands wandered all over Jack’s body, before nudging up under the hem of his shirt to roam the bare skin of his back.

Jack’s lips attached to Mac’s neck, sucking a nice bruise into his skin, and a shiver ran through his body when Mac slid his hands under his shirt. Pulling away, Jack let Mac yank the shirt over his head and then he sat up, straddling Mac, and started working on the buttons of Mac’s shirt, because of course Mac was wearing a fucking shirt with buttons. Jack got them undone, but not without some muttering under his breath that made Mac chuckle. Luckily there was no additional shirt underneath so once Mac wriggled out of it they were skin on skin. Mac’s hands tugged Jack back down for another kiss, he’d never get enough of Jack’s mouth. His fingers didn’t stay still for long, slipping under the waistband of Jack’s jeans to get at his ass.

Jack groaned into Mac’s mouth when Mac’s fingers dug into his ass, and after a moment he broke the kiss to mouth at Mac’s neck again. This time however, since Mac had no shirt on, he moved lower to nip on Mac’s collarbone. Mac moaned softly when Jack’s teeth grazed his skin, and eventually he moved his hands to the front of Jack’s jeans, quickly dealing with the button and the zipper, and getting them open in record time. Jack sat up to take off his jeans, and Mac’s eyes trailed up and down his body. He licked his lips without conscious thought, and Jack bent down enough to get Mac’s jeans open so Mac can kick them off.

“You’re gorgeous,” Mac said, low and full of arousal, his eyes following Jack’s every move. “I don’t tell you that enough, but you really are.”

And Jack—his badass Jack—literally _blushed_ , and that little detail filled Mac with so much joy. Grabbing Jack by the shoulders, Mac pulled him down to crash their lips together, wrapping his arms around Jack’s back to hold him close. “Look who’s talkin’,” Jack mumbled against Mac’s lips, rolling his hips down and making both of them groan when their cocks slide together. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Mac flailed an arm out in the direction of the nightstand, knocked over the lamp, swore like a sailor, and shoved at Jack playfully when he burst out laughing on top of him. “Am I still beautiful?” Mac teased, finally coming up with the lube and handing it to Jack, who managed to stop sputtering long enough to kiss him again.

“Yep,” was his response, short and sweet, and if Mac hadn’t already been in love with him that would’ve sealed it.

Opening the lube, Jack poured some on his fingers and moved his hand lower, pressing his finger against Mac’s entrance. Kissing Mac again, he slowly pushed the finger inside and Mac gasped into his mouth, his hands going to Jack’s shoulders to grip them tightly. Jack moved his finger back and forth, but it wasn’t long before he added a second one, and Mac arched under him, rolling his hips and pushing against Jack’s fingers, whimpering when Jack found his prostate and moved his fingers in the same way a couple of times to find it again and again. And Mac barely tolerated a third finger for more than a minute before he was clenching down around them like they were Jack’s cock, his eyes going glassy where they stared at the ceiling since Jack had moved on to suck another bruise into the side of his throat.

“Jack, please,” he all but whined, and he’d never felt comfortable sounding like that—desperate and needy—around anybody but Jack. “Please, fuck me, I’m ready.”

Jack shivered above him and with one last bite to his throat, he removed his fingers, kissing Mac’s cheek when Mac whined at the loss. Reaching for the lube again, Jack quickly lubed himself up and then he settled back between Mac’s spread legs and bent down, hovering above Mac, their faces inches apart. Lining himself up, Jack slowly started to push in and Mac’s lips parted, his eyes wide and almost black with lust. Mac’s legs wrapped around Jack’s waist to tug him in faster, his heels digging into Jack’s lower back. Mac had to remind himself to breathe around the intrusion, but he liked the way the intensity of that first slide in made his eyes water and his nails scratch Jack’s back.

They’d done this a few times now, so all Jack had to do was watch his face and he knew when it was okay to start thrusting, shallowly at first. Jack slid his arms under Mac’s back to hug him close, and eventually he started thrusting a little harder. Mac held on to him for dear life, completely wrapped around Jack, moaning as Jack kept moving above him. Jack pressed their lips together in a hard short kiss before he buried his face in Mac’s neck, Mac’s body jolting when Jack’s cock hit his prostate.

“Oh God, Jack, right there,” Mac panted, the pace Jack breathless and bruising and he loved it. And Jack didn’t disappoint, nailing Mac’s prostate on every other thrust, one particularly harsh thrust enough to make him scream. Jack’s fingers dug into his muscles, his grip around Mac’s body almost too tight—until Jack, Mac had never been able to get off from getting fucked alone, but he doubted he’d have to touch himself to come.

“That’s right, baby, let me hear you,” Jack muttered against Mac’s neck, biting him maybe a little too hard and thrusting into him even faster, pounding into him without mercy. “Come on, let go, come for me.”

Jack fucked him fast and hard, and those brutal slams of Jack’s hips combined with the words growled into his skin were enough to send Mac over the edge. With one particularly hard and deep thrust, Mac came with a cry out Jack’s name, clenching around Jack and moaning brokenly when Jack continued pounding into him. He made a sound that was dangerously close to a sob when Mac clenched tightly around him, and Mac blinked white spots out of his vision and just... went boneless, let Jack take what he wanted from him, enduring more of those brutal thrusts before Jack finally came with a shout muffled by Mac’s shoulder, filling him up with come as his hips continued to thrust before slowing and stilling completely a moment later.

Jack collapsed on top of Mac, panting into his shoulder, and Mac himself wasn’t doing any better, desperately trying to remember how to breathe. After a moment his vision went back to normal and Mac wrapped his arms around Jack, one of his hands slowly stroking Jack’s back, and Mac turned his head to press a kiss to Jack’s temple. Eventually, Jack’s breathing seemed to calm as well, and Jack shifted on top of Mac, moving his hips so that his cock slid out, and Mac... almost expected Jack to sit up and start getting dressed. But... Jack didn’t move, only snuggled closer into Mac, his face still pressed into Mac’s shoulder.

Mac couldn’t help the smile that spreads on his face, and it was so silly-looking that he was glad Jack couldn’t see it. He kept stroking Jack’s back and they laid there for a while. The feeling of drying come got gross and Jack rolled off Mac—but instead of leaving, all he did was grab his discarded boxers to clean them both off before he climbed under the covers with Mac.

He made a surprised, curious sound when Mac just pulled him back down on top of him. “I like having your weight on me,” he muttered, cheeks flushing as he wrapped Jack up in his arms again.

“Really?” Jack’s voice was muffled by Mac’s shoulder until he lifted his head to look down at Mac, brushing the hair out of his eyes with his hand. “You sure I’m not crushing you?”

“I’m a little tougher than that,” Mac said, giving him a kiss, sweet and chaste. He smiled at Jack, and he didn’t know what expression was on his face but it was enough to make Jack’s features soften even further. “Besides, if I get tired off it I’ll just throw you on the floor.”

“I really love you, you know?” Jack said quietly, giving Mac another kiss before resting his head on Mac’s shoulder and shifting a little to make himself more comfortable. He let out a pleased sigh when Mac continued stroking his back slowly and nuzzled Mac’s collarbone, cuddling up as close as possible.

“I love you too,” Mac whispered, warm and content for the first time since they started this new facet of their relationship.

He felt it when Jack drifted off and tensed a little, ready for the worst, but no sleep paralysis came—not if Jack snoring lightly against his chest a moment later was any indication. So Mac smiled to himself and shut his eyes, and a while later he fell asleep too.

~***~

Groaning quietly, Mac blinked his eyes open, not sure what exactly was going on. He had no idea what woke him up, but it was still dark outside—he let out a grumpy sigh and was ready to go back to sleep when he remembered that he didn’t drift off by himself. Jack wasn’t lying on top of him anymore and he wasn’t within his hand’s reach, but he was in bed, Mac felt the presence of another body next to him, but something was off.

Jack was lying on his stomach, and his head was turned away from Mac so he couldn’t see his face, but he wasn’t moving. No twitches, nothing, and it was only when Mac leaned in a little that he saw Jack was breathing. He scooted to the foot of the bed and made his way around to the other side... and Jack’s eyes were open and staring at the wall, also not moving. It was... unnerving for Mac to see, and he couldn’t imagine what it felt like to be trapped like that.

Mac exhaled shakily, his heart racing as he tried to figure out what to do. He’d read about sleep paralysis, he knew what it was, and he knew it would pass soon... but he had no idea what to do, nothing he read mentioned what to do if a person sleeping next to you experienced that sort of thing. Swallowing harshly, Mac made up his mind and slowly put himself in Jack’s line of sight and while he had no idea if Jack could see him, he laid down on the small space between Jack and the edge of the bed.

It was rare for Mac not to know what he was dealing with and he made a promise right there to do some serious research, but for now he just... placed his hand gently on Jack’s side, looking into his unmoving eyes. “... Jack?” Mac exhaled, kind of getting frustrated with himself for not knowing what to do. “Hey, babe.”

Because the room was essentially silent save for the racing of Mac’s pulse in his ears, he could hear it when Jack made a little sound—it was something between an exhale and a whimper, and it made Mac feel like his heart was cracking in half. That meant Jack definitely knew he was there, either from sight or more likely because he felt his touch and heard Mac’s breathing. From what he’d read, he knew that even making a small sound like that probably took a ridiculous amount of effort on Jack’s part.

Mac chewed on his lower lip, his thumb stroking over Jack’s skin. “It’s okay, I’m right here.”

Jack didn’t make another sound, but that was okay, Mac didn’t expect him to. Slowly, Mac started running his hand up and down Jack’s back, hoping Jack could feel it and find his touch comforting instead of being freaked out by it. Mac pressed himself as close to Jack as possible, shifting a little so he wasn’t lying on his other arm, and he used his other hand to gently cup Jack’s cheek. He had no idea if he was helping or making it worse, but he couldn’t just do nothing.

They laid like that for a while, and Mac kept his touch as soft as possible. He couldn’t make himself stare into Jack’s eyes when they weren’t really looking at him, so his gaze skated around Jack’s face instead. His mind wandered—as it usually did when he wasn’t being stimulated—and he started thinking about all the ways sleep paralysis could be dangerous... including what could be done to someone while they were in the throes of it. He swallowed hard and vowed silently, then and there, to protect Jack when he couldn’t protect himself, no matter what.

Mac was jerked out of his thoughts by the sound of Jack taking in a gasping, rattling breath, like somebody had been sitting on his chest. He moved all at once, his eyes blinking, his limbs twitching. And the next thing Mac knew Jack had him in a crushing embrace, his face buried in Mac’s neck. He started shaking, all over, and the next noise he made was a sob. The force of Jack’s hug almost sent Mac tumbling down on the floor, but he managed to stay on the bed, Jack’s arms wrapped around him so tightly that his ribs creaked and he could barely breathe.

In return, Mac wrapped his arms around Jack, pulling him into his chest and holding him as tightly as he can, one hand moving to the back of Jack’s neck. “Hey, I’ve got you,” Mac murmured, his heart breaking. “I’m right here, babe, I’ve got you.”

Jack’s whole body shuddered with another sob and he whimpered against Mac’s throat, and Mac wondered if every time was this bad or if something different happened. His grip on Mac eased marginally as the seconds ticked by, and eventually Jack lifted his head enough to look at Mac, tear tracks staining his cheeks. Then he said something that threw Mac off kilter: “I’m so glad you’re not dead.”

Mac froze for a second, not knowing what brought this on, and he looked at Jack with wide eyes, his grip on him instinctively tightening even more if that was possible. “What?” Mac breathed out, looking at Jack worriedly. “I’m okay, Jack—where’s this coming from?”

Jack exhaled shakily and dropped his head to rest on Mac’s chest, his damp cheek pressed against Mac’s skin. “You... sometimes when this happens, I have these—well, they aren’t dreams, I guess, because I’m not asleep. But I think they’re like... visions, or something? My doc told me they could happen, called them sleep paralysis demons, but instead of seeing like, a fucking gremlin or something...” Jack trailed off, and Mac felt his whole body tense. “I saw you. But you were... dead. Your neck was broken, and you had... been that way for a while, and your eyes—god, your eyes were all milky, and I don’t know how I knew, but I knew... I knew I was the one who killed you.”

“Oh, babe.” If Mac thought his heart was breaking before, now it felt like someone threw it into a blender. He slowly stroked Jack’s back with his hands, hoping to ease some of the tension, briefly stopping to tighten his arms around Jack when he trembled again. “It was just a nightmare. Well, a vision.” Mac corrected himself, talking in a quiet voice. “You didn’t hurt me. You could never hurt me, you know that, right?” One of Mac’s hands went to Jack’s head, his fingers lightly scratching Jack’s scalp through his short hair. “You’d never do that.”

Jack tilted his head back to look at Mac, those dark eyes still luminous with tears. His gaze searched Mac’s face for a moment before he swallowed hard. “You... you really believe that,” he said, a fine tremor to his voice that wasn’t there before. He squeezed Mac in his arms and pressed a gentle kiss to his shoulder. “I don’t deserve you.”

Mac looked at the ceiling for a moment, blinking a few times when he realized his eyes started filling with tears. “What are you talking about?” he asked, his voice strained and choked up. “You deserve everything. Much more than me, probably.” Mac wished he could take all of Jack’s pain away—he would’ve taken it himself if he could’ve. “And of course I believe that, Jack, why wouldn’t I?”

“Because I’m starting to wonder if this whole sleep paralysis thing is the universe getting back at me or something,” Jack admitted, one of his hands sliding out from under Mac to trace a pattern on his bicep; it took Mac a moment to realize it was the symbol for Delta Force. “I don’t know if I believe in that stuff, not anymore, but I... I’ve done so much terrible shit, Mac. That’s why I don’t deserve you, because... you’re so good, and I’m... not.”

Mac started to wonder if he even still had a heart or just shattered pieces of it scattered around in his chest. “We’re not just good or bad, Jack. It’s so much more complicated than that,” Mac started slowly, thinking very hard about each word. “All these terrible things you say you’ve done... you were either following orders or trying to save people you care about. It doesn’t make you a bad person.” Mac’s hands stopped skimming over Jack’s back, instead he just held him, drawing small hearts on Jack’s skin with his finger. “And Jack... I’m not exactly a pure, good angel. You know firsthand how many people I’ve blown up or electrocuted, or god knows what else.”

Jack digested that in silence for a moment, and finally sighed against Mac’s collarbone. “You’re too damn smart, you know that?” he muttered, but instead of sounding upset or resentful the words were incredibly fond. He shifted a little, close enough to press a kiss to Mac’s jaw. “I love you. And... thank you for being here, Mac. It helped, knowing you were actually here, especially when I was seeing... that.”

“I love you too.” Mac turned his head to kiss Jack’s forehead. “And you don’t have to thank me, Jack. There’s no other place I’d rather be, but you’re welcome anyway.” Mac smiled against Jack’s skin, giving him a tight squeeze. “And I was actually going to ask about that, if you could tell I was here and if I was... helping or making it worse, so that I know what to do the next time it happens.”

“It definitely helped,” Jack assured, the hand he had on Mac’s arm rising to brush the hair off Mac’s forehead, before settling against the side of his neck. Over his pulse, Mac noted but didn’t mention. “I knew it was you just from how you were touching me, so I didn’t panic as much. I think it might’ve helped bring me out of it faster too.” He cuddled impossibly closer to Mac and stifled a yawn. “I’m also not completely terrified of going back to sleep, not with you here.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Mac said quietly, kissing the top of Jack’s head, keeping his arms firmly around him. “And you’re safe. I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise,” he added, hoping Jack understood Mac didn’t just mean then, but always. Whenever Jack would need protecting, Mac would be right there to help him, no matter what.

“Pretty sure that’s supposed to be my job,” Jack said, but he didn’t sound like he minded, not in the slightest. He slid his other arm around Mac and gave him an affectionate squeeze... and a few moments later, Mac felt Jack’s breathing even out into what he hoped was peaceful sleep.

He shut his eyes, sighing contentedly, and followed Jack down a minute later.


End file.
